Mojo at Mordialloc …

The outstanding Mordialloc Jazz Orchestra will be performing the first of the Big Band Sunset concerts this Saturday night.

You will find them on the banks of the Mordialloc Creek by the roundabout on Nepean Highway. The main feature starts at 7 pm although there will be free music all afternoon.

This week the band are backing The King, well-known Elvis tribute artist Mark Andrew.

It will be fabulous, hope to see you there.

Julia loves Craig …

Jules announced the election date yesterday, an extraordinarily early release. Graham Richardson thought it a pretty dumb move because it enabled the Liberal Party to plan its timetable with precision. He was moved to say …

I just can’t follow why this Labor government and this Prime Minister does what it does. It is a mystery to me and to millions of Australians as well.

Among the reasons bandied about as to why, were a couple that made sense, it makes it harder for a challenge from Mr. Rudd and it provides an excuse for deferring any by elections until September. Hence the government can’t be brought down if one of the people it relies on should be hauled off to jail.

Today one of those people was arrested and it seems will soon be facing 149 cases of fraud. His lawyer stressed that only a small proportion of the alleged offences involved paying for prostitutes with other people’s money.

So, remarkable timing from our Julia … does she have contacts in the NSW Police or perhaps Channel 7?

Light at the end of the tunnel …

If we can believe the prime minister, the federal election will be held on September 14th.

She couldn’t stuff that up, could she?

Just when is Yom Kippur, day of atonement, holiest day of the Jewish year? Hope they’re not offended.

Christine Milne, meanwhile, suggests that it will be an opportunity for the electorate to endorse the Green influence on this nation’s direction. Bearing in mind that the main criticism the Greens have of the government is that they didn’t spend enough of the taxpayer’s hard-earned money, let’s endorse them all the way to oblivion.

Our Tim …

I had got the notion that all he did was race around in the prime ministerial car but apparently our Tim is passionately working for the cause of mens’ health.

To that end he has composed a racy little advertising jingle …

If you have to get it checked
Don’t be glum
Get a little Asian girl
To poke you in the bum.

I’ve got just the lady for him.

Greens leader Christine Milne thought it tasteless. Shows the importance of keeping your fingers out of your mouth.

Nicola Roxon will be delivering us from all of this by making it illegal to offend anyone, although the government will be exempt, I wonder if that exemption extends to the first bloke.


Australia Day …

The anniversary of the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788 since when there has been a continuous colony of people descended from Picts, Scots, Angles, Saxons, Romans, Jutes, Danes and Normans and goodness knows what else.

It is fashionable in some quarters to put on the black armband and lament the fate of the original inhabitants, wail about the crimes of the invaders. An apology on my behalf for crimes I did not commit to people who were not alive to be the victims strikes me as an absurdity. Better, it seems to me, to celebrate the fact that the average modern day Australian, no matter their genetic past, lives a more secure, orderly and enriching life than those inhabitants of this land in 1788.

No doubt, the day will throw up the line about the oldest nation on earth once again. Australia was not organised as a nation, it was a conglomerate of groups with between 350 and 750 distinct languages and dialects. A quick look at a language map shows that the diversity is far greater in the far north, consistent with successive waves of colonisation. And remember that Torres Strait did not exist until about 8,000 years ago, so add another few hundred languages since lost from the pool by that separation.

Aboriginal implies from the beginning. The truth is that no one was here from the beginning, modern man has its origins in Africa. Part of the evidence for this is found among the fossils but not every fossil has descendants roaming the earth today. On the other hand, if you’re roaming around today you had ancestors roaming around at every moment of human history. The relationships of those ancestors can be inferred from our DNA. The result can be seen very nicely by visiting The Journey of Mankind, take a break from me and click it now, I’ll wait …

The crucial moment is found at 85,000 years ago. All non-African humans alive today descend from that group.

We are one species, your ancestors are my ancestors, my ancestors are yours. Lets make the most of it.

Celebrate Australia day, the anniversary of the day that families, separated for 85,000 years, were reunited.

Land rights for gay whales …

Poor Nova, she has outstanding sporting achievements under her belt and was in a position to reflect on the honour that she had earned by her own hard work and talent.

And then came affirmative action …

She has been picked for the senate for three reasons, her race, her gender and her celebrity.

And that from a team that yells racism and sexism at every turn.

Not surprisingly the local ALP members and volunteers, the very people who will be called upon to do the work that will get her elected, feel aggrieved at not being consulted.

I find it quite easy to believe she is more intelligent than Wayne Swan, more honest than Julia and unlikely to blow the branch funds at a brothel but any evidence of political nous is nowhere to be seen. It’s hard to imagine Ms Scrimgour bursting into tears at the honour done her by our prime minister.

It’s a sad turn of events … from home town hero to the gay whale of Australian politics.

The bronze rat …

A chap walked into a curio shop in Chinatown . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the fellow decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat ?”

“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.

The guy quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Yarra .

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the river and threw the bronze rat as far as he could.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped in after the bronze rat and were drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .

“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story ?”

“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze statue of  a Labor politician”