Oh Shit …

The ultimate coprolite was found in 1972 during excavation at a Viking settlement at Jorvik, now York. It Is possibly  the largest example of fossilised human feces ever found, measuring 20 centimetres (8 in) long and 5 centimetres (2 in) wide. Analysis has revealed that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread whilst the presence of several hundred parasitic eggs suggests they were afflicted with intestinal worms.

“This is the most exciting piece of excrement I’ve ever seen… In its own way, it’s as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels”.

Dr Andrew Jones, paleoscatologist.

Not to be confused with a coprolite a coprolith is a mass of hard fecal matter in the colon, the end result of severe constipation.

The York coprolite was dropped whilst being handled. It broke into three pieces. It is quite likely that the butter fingers that did that to the crown jewel of turds said, “Oh shit”. Which is very much what I was saying at three o’clock this morning during the fourth attempt to eject a worthy replacement. It felt just as big and hard enough to be a fossil.

Constipation is a frequent complaint of those who have recently begun a low carb diet. I have heard it suggested that it’s not real – it’s just that there is now no need for a bowel movement every day and the problem is trying to pass something that just isn’t there. Believe me there was something there. Those that allow the possibility that it’s real suggest that it’s due to dehydration or a lack of salt. So keep up your salt and water intake.

Just as you struggle to disobey the first commandment, “Thou shalt not eat saturated fat” you bump into two more issues that the low carb proponents are heretical about – adding salt and a very mixed message regarding fibre. It was a bit late I felt for salt and water or even fibre to be of any use. Before going to bed I was thinking a few pints of Newcastle Brown Ale would be better but  since beer is out I settled for half a bottle of red.

The scientific literature regarding nutrition is a mess but I must put in some time on salt and on fibre before I decide where I will be going on those issues. Here’s a quite entertaining lecture in the meantime …

Perhaps it was the red wine or maybe it was sheer determination but ultimately I was successful. I packaged it up and posted it York.

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