Presidentially speaking …

As you all well know, because of decisions, that some derided at the time, but ones that I had the courage to make, as I say, some years ago, and let me also say this, decisions that Mr Abbott said no to, decisions as we all know he always says no to, Australia is about to take over presidency of the UN Security Council making me a very very important person on the world stage if not the central pillar that keeps it from sinking into the abyss.

It is incumbent on me, therefore, to abandon campaigning and fly post-haste to Canberra where President Obama awaits to brief me on the unfolding tragedy in Syria where it seems someone has put sarin into the chicken and mushroom risotto instead of a dash of pepper, I shall of course be flying via Brisbane in order to do some essential research on chicken and mushroom risotto and it’s importance in social media, as well as, let me say, as well as keeping some long-standing and entirely private but very important engagements.

It is, of course, entirely appropriate that the Australian people be kept from worrying about these matters of extreme importance, their intellect being so feeble that they can barely understand Kitchen Cabinet on TV.

 

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