Another pearl …

And since golf has made the news today let me remind the world of Mr Twain’s verdict on it …

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Perhaps the best things to come out of the stupid game are the jokes …

A man and his secretary decide to have an affair, so they rent a hotel and go have strenuous sex all afternoon. He’s not used to the pace, so he falls asleep afterwards and doesn’t wake up until about 8:30 at night.

They have sex again, and then the man realizes it’s time to go home. He says to his secretary, “Take my shoes outside while I get dressed and drag them through the grass and mud.” Puzzled, the secretary complies.

When the man gets home about 9:30pm his wife confronts him and asks where he’s been. The man says, “I cannot lie to you, I have spent the day making love to my secretary, fell asleep, just woke up and came right home.” The woman looks down at his shoes and says, “You lying SOB, you’ve been out playing golf again!”

You can find an assortment at robinsweb, which is where I pinched that one. That particular joke reminds me of another Mark Twain aphorism …

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.

Green Jacket …

Whilst travelling in the car at lunch time I was listening to the ABC’s News Radio.

The big news was that Miss Gillard, please take note of the newly found respect, Miss Gillard congratulated Adam Scott on his success in the US Masters.

Isn’t she fabulous, well at least the ABC think so. Expect them to find a way to inject her into every good news story between now and the election.

Thankfully, attention had shifted to Adam Scott, himself by the time I drove home.

Depressed …

The news this week hasn’t been good. It’s depressing.

I felt so bad this morning I called a suicide hotline.

I was greeted by “Press 1 for English”, I pressed 1.

Then I was connected … to a call centre in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck …

The welcome mat …

Welcome home, Allyson McConnell …

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And how nice to see our hospitality extended to this poor traumatised soul…

A KILLER has won the right to appeal to stay in Australia as a refugee.

The West Papua man who attacked his defacto in 2000, resulting in her death, won a High Court battle yesterday.

He can now to appeal to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal in his bid to secure a protection visa with tax-payers to pay his legal bills for his High Court action.

The man was granted a protection visa in 1996 but after killing his defacto and being sentenced to seven years’ jail for manslaughter, the man’s protection visa was cancelled by former Immigration Minister Philip Ruddock.

Former immigration Minister Chris Evans then determined in 2008 that it was ”in the public interest to allow the appellant to make a further application for a protection visa,” the High Court judgement said.

And an especially warm welcome to all those on the high seas, now arriving at more than 400 a week … just imagine a whole Malaysiafull every week.

The tabloids …

Melbourne’s two daily tabloids were a study in contrasting values this morning.

The Herald Sun was adorned with a picture of the Iron Lady, The Age went for a picture of Gough, the lead story based on the Wikileaks revelations that Bob Carr and Bob Hawke, not to mention Bob McGee, all spying for the Americanos.

Well vale Margaret Thatcher a female prime minister who didn’t need to use her gender as an excuse. I will not attempt a eulogy but let me just direct your attention to the quality of those that are celebrating her demise. She would probably have been quite flattered.

The other big story centres on the low opinion that Hawke and Carr had of the Revered Leader. Well, well, what a scandal. But wait, there’s more … the Americanos made some quite derogatory observations regarding the leader of the opposition at the time.

Malcolm Fraser’s response …

“I think that cable probably demonstrates the incompetence of the American representation in Australia at the time,” he told ABC radio.

He went on to say something about people’s behaviour in private and how they should be exposed. Well, since you insist …

Memphis trousers affair

On 14 October 1986, Fraser, then the Chairman of the Commonwealth Eminent Persons Group, was found in the foyer of the Admiral Benbow Inn, a seedy Memphis hotel, wearing nothing but a towel and confused as to where his trousers were. The hotel was an establishment popular with prostitutes and drug dealers. Though it was rumoured at the time that the former Prime Minister had been with a prostitute, his wife stated that Fraser had no recollection of the events and that she believes it more likely that he was the victim of a practical joke by his fellow delegates.

That of course is from Wikipedia, what a sweet wife …