the meaning of life – Page 2

Filed by our Warracknabeal correspondent …

Australian bush etiquette is world famous but in case you may have forgotten the finer details …

In General:

Never take an open stubby to a job interview…
Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
It’s tacky to take an Esky to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
Even if you’re certain you’re included in the will, it’s rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

Eating Out:

When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

Entertaining at Home:

A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Don’t allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

Personal Hygiene:

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one’s OWN ute keys.
Even if you live alone, deodorant isn’t a waste of money.
Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no,it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

Weddings:

Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for the occasion.

Driving Etiquette:

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun’s loaded and the roo’s in your rifle sight.
When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn’t always have the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road to fill up a petrol can, it’s impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

Guidelines …

I’m baching at the moment. Must do the washing …

After the apocalypse …

… and after the aftermath, the book …

Imagine you have survived an apocalypse. Civilization as you knew it is no more. What will life be like and how will you cope?

In 2006, Dylan Evans set out to answer these questions. He left his job in a high-tech robotics lab, moved to the Scottish Highlands and founded a community called The Utopia Experiment. There, together with an eclectic assortment of volunteers, he tried to live out a scenario of global collapse, free from modern technology and comforts.

Within a year, Evans found himself detained in a psychiatric hospital, shattered and depressed, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. In The Utopia Experiment he tells his own extraordinary story: his frenzied early enthusiasm for this unusual project, the many challenges of post-apocalyptic living, his descent into madness and his gradual recovery. In the process, he learns some hard lessons about himself and about life, and comes to see the modern world he abandoned in a new light.

Apparently you can buy it. It’s not on my reading list however.

Wouldn’t know if …

Te Mata School principal Michael Bain had been operating the starting gun at his school’s swimming sports event. Whilst having a sandwich the percussion caps in his pocket caught fire.

Quick to realise that an oft cited phenomenon had come true he jumped into the swimming pool.

The kids were much amused.

Mr Bain required minor medical attention and a new pair of daks.

It’s resting, look …

A mummified monk thought to be more than 200 years old is “not dead,” but actually in a state of “very deep meditation,” according to Buddhist monk and doctor to the Dalai Lama, Dr. Barry Kerzin.

Kerzin claims that the monk is in a spiritual state called “tukdam,” and is just one step from becoming a real-life Buddha.