It’s Etiquette …

Filed by our Warracknabeal correspondent …

Australian bush etiquette is world famous but in case you may have forgotten the finer details …

In General:

  • Never take an open stubby to a job interview…
  • Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
  • It’s tacky to take an Esky to church.
  • If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
  • Even if you’re certain you’re included in the will, it’s rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

Eating Out:

  • When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
  • If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

Entertaining at Home:

  • A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
  • Don’t allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

Personal Hygiene:

  • While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one’s OWN ute keys.
  • Even if you live alone, deodorant isn’t a waste of money.
  • Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
  • Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no,it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

  • Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
  • Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

Weddings:

  • Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
  • For the groom, at least, rent a tux.  A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
  • Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for the occasion.

Driving Etiquette:

  • Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun’s loaded and the roo’s in your rifle sight.
  • When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn’t always have the right of way.
  • Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
  • When sending your wife down the road to fill up a petrol can, it’s impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.